...Happy 2011!...

I know I am wayyyyy over due for a blog post. Life has just gotten so busy with being a mother and working two jobs and "trying" to have a social life I just don't have much time for anything else. So I felt compelled today to check in and let you all know how I am doing.

So....all is well with my band still. I had my 2 year bandiversary on 12/18/10. I am still at about 200 pounds. Still fighting to get those 20 off that I gained earlier last year. But I think my body has gotten comfortable and this is where it might want to stay. But that doesnt stop me from trying. I still start a new diet every week...lol. I still start to workout then quit after two days...I'm trying...but not very hard I suppose. I think subconciously I am comfortable or just have not gotten fed up enough with where I am right now. Maybe it will take an event like what made me get the lap band in the first place to go ahead and make it to my goal.

My band is uber tight! I'm guessing because of the weight I am now. Because when I was smaller with the same amount of fluid it did not affect me as much. I have been contemplating getting an unfill for months but at the same time telling myself if I could just lose weight it will loosen up. You know my problem is sweets which is why I'm having such a hard time getting these LB's off. Coupled with the fact that I hate to work out....that's not a good combination. So I dont know...I might get an unfill and I might not. I just know I am T I G H T! My stomach makes those horribly embarrasing gurgling noises always at the wrong time. I cannot eat breakfast not even after drinking hot tea (I still try but PB everyday). My best window for eating is between 1 and 5pm. I have to stop eating by 7 pm or I will have the worst acid reflux known to man. But...dont get me wrong...I'm not complaining...because I know how to fix it...I just have not done it. I'll get around to it eventually.

Still not much of a social life....I find that I dont like crowds or being around people at all....and you know why? because in my stupid head I feel too fat! I dont want people to see what I look like...or...no I don't want to bring attention to myself is what I really mean. When I was less 20 pounds I went out a lot....a friend of a friend of mine really messed me up when she had not seen me for a while and the first thing out of her mouth was....you picked up some weigh, huh?! I was floored....so ever since then...I dont want that same reaction from anyone else. So you would think that would motivate me to lose it right??? nah-uh....not at all. I'm just a crazy, psycho, confused, wishy-washy chic with a horrible case of body dysmorphic disorder. I might feel one way one day and totally opposite the next day...I've gone mad I tell ya....MAD! So my social life is work. I got a part-time job at Old Navy. That's where I do most of my socializing...with the kids (yeah kids...I'm one of the oldest bittys of the whole place) there...they make me feel young.

So anyway....all in all...I'm doing ok....just still crazy as hell. I really need to see a shrink but as one of my best traits is procrastination....I have not gotten around to it yet...

So I hope you enjoyed my update. I will post a pic. I know you are going to say I look small....but trust me...this morning I weighed 202.6. I have on a good girdle! (body shaper) Plus, I'm wearing all black! You can't go wrong with those two things.

Thanks so much for still following me. I will make a better effort to update and find some other things to talk about....but after 2 years I'm kinda sick of talking about this band....I might need to find something else to write about.

-TTYL! lub ya!

Oh heck...since i'm being a little vain....(you guys already know what I look like so I'm not ashamed) I'll post a couple more pics over the last few months that I was missing.

*note the many hair transitions....i'm sad to report that I have lost my hair...due to not taking vitamins, protein and too much STRESS! so you new lap banders out there...don't let this be you! take your vitamins....get your protein in....stay as stress fress as possible and take care of your hair!!! I am now a weave/wig QUEEN!