...son of a @#$@!#!...

as you can tell from the title this is not a happy post...i was doing so well on my downward spiral to weight loss last week...what the hell happened you say? I dont friggin know! I didnt even eat a whole lot this weekend...i had some ice cream yesterday but the majority of the food i had this weekend was basically a bite here and there...now granted not the best bites of stuff but not much of it. On friday morning I weighed 188.2 now today I again weigh 193.4....I'm so disgusted I could spit!

So here's how my weekend went...

Friday: Only worked a half a day...got off early to have lunch with my kids at school. I didnt eat there because who wants to eat school cafeteria food? However, I did have an ice cream bar (240 calories). Then I went to lunch with my mom...we had Japanese Hibachi...I PB'd everything I ate there before we left the building. I was starving after we left so I had a white choc mocha frap and a piece of pound cake from starbucks...that almost got stuck but i held out because I was driving and didnt have anymore barf bags in the car.....so the starbucks ended up being my dinner...

Saturday: took the kids to waffle house for breakfast....had about 3 bites of my sons waffle then attempted a bacon egg and cheese sandwich...PB'd all that before we left the building...I was starving later on that day so we popped some popcorn. Ate one handful of that. Now here's where it gets tricky...went to a house party at my aunts house around 9pm...yea they had food but i didnt eat much...ate some carrots and veggie dip, 2 meatballs, some pretzel crisps and cream cheese, small, very small serving of lasagna...3 glasses of wine....ok, ok...see this is the importance of keeping a food journal...I ate more than i thought i did....damn! And i ate all this after 9pm...good thing i didnt get home until after 2am or else I would have had a horrible time sleeping on all that food.

Sunday: Had a grilled cheese and bacon sandwich for breakfast. Then took the kids to a pizza place and ate the toppings off of about 3 slices of pizza and one slice of dessert pizza...yep...I PB'd some of that (i think once i got full i tried to keep going because i was able to eat it). Then went to the mall for some ice cream.

Now that I read my own damn post i really ate a lot of @#$$! Or at least attempted to eat a lot. No wonder I gained...I didnt exercise either. The most exercise i had was walking around the mall. So basically I just told a big fat lie in my first paragraph but I'm not going to revise it because this just goes to show how delusional we are about what we eat sometimes. I really didnt realize i had eaten so much until i started to write it down. I always keep a food journal during the week at work but I never do it on the weekends and this is where my problem comes in.

So here is my plan of action to fix what I messed up. I talked to a band buddy and she is also having issues similar to mine. We decided that we are going to try something like the 5-day pouch test. Basically having liquids (maybe some mushies if we get too hungry--i havent told her that though, i need to call her to revise that) for 5 days. We both seem to think we have stretched our pouches because we can eat so much. I'm starving now so I hope I can make it through this...

to top this all off my goal was to try to lose 12 pounds this month. I have a fill appointment tomorrow. I seriously doubt that I need a fill. I do so much PB'ing but on some days I can practically eat whatever I want....I really dont know what do to about the fill. I'm wondering if I should cancel the appointment. I dunno...Its so hard to get appointments in there. I hate having to go to the dr. and explain my reason for not losing...

my visit would go like this....
dr...soo...you haven't lost any weight this month what's the problem? Have you been exercising?
me...umm, no
dr....what have you been eating?
me...well, um tons of ice cream, cheese, starbucks frappuchinos, pound cake, french fries, cinnamon rolls...u name it i attempted to eat it.
dr...well duh! no wonder you have not lost weight!
me...SMH in shame..i know i know...next month i'm going to do better (i've said this every month for the past 6 months)

Then i have to listen to everyone in the office saying how tiny i am...TINY? WTF? You would think they were all giants calling me tiny! Yes, I still need to lose 25 more pounds! WHY? because I want to dammitt!

so before i go off rambling on another tangent and make this post 6 miles long instead of 2 I'm going to end here.

I still havent ordered my ass jingles...dam!

TTYL!