I got a fill today....I got point 4 added giving me a total of 7.7ccs in my 10 cc band...I'm already feeling some heartburn but i'm hoping it will go away. I need this fill to ward off the hunger! the nurse practioner who does my fills had a long talk with me today. She informed me that I have been hoovering around a 10 pound radius since August of last year...she thinks that my body has plateaued because this is where it wants to be. I am a big boned girl and she doesnt think I have anymore fat to lose...only excess skin. I told her that for me its about the number...not about how it looks on me but the number...I want to see 170 on that scale and size 10 in my closet...who cares if I look like Beetlejuice! lol! not really.... but I'm obsessed with seeing a certain number! I know I'm psycho...My lowest weight was 178 and I got there from being sick...I was only there about 2 or 3 weeks maybe...then it all came back....through the 180's and back to the 190's...I just refuse to believe my body wants to stop here!!! It CANT! I NEED to see 170!!!
I've talked about this before but I still see the size 22-24 me when I look in the mirror...who knows if I will even see the new me when I see 170 on the scale...maybe...who knows....I just need to see it. I'm gonna break this plateau!
A girl friend of mine sent me a motivational pic....this is the heaviest I have ever looked in my entire life...i almost cried when I saw it....I'm not sure how much i weighed but i had to be in the 300's.
and that's all i have to say about that....(in my Forest Gump voice)
You've done an amazing job!! I have no doubt that you can reach it....even if you don't "see it" in yourself I know the need to see the numbers fall into place. To me it's almost like a grade...a B+ is fantastic but why can't I get that A.
ReplyDeleteOkay... first... I think you are so beautiful. That picture you posted is gorgeous.. even if you don't see it. Secondly.. you have done amazing! Look at how far you have come!
ReplyDeleteThat is so frustrating to think our bodies will get stuck at one weight. I totally understand being set on a number though - you work so hard to get so close. Granted you look great now, but I'm sure you can reach your goal - look what you've already done.
ReplyDeleteSeriously - all I see is beauty in that picture. I'm not kidding. Keep on keeping on girlfriend!
ReplyDeleteYeah I agree with everyone you are beautiful in that pic, but I also know what it's like to not see what others see. It's funny how for you its the number but for me its the look, I've been so big for so long I really dont have a good frame of reference. I remember thinking I was fat at 137 and now my leg(not legs, leg) weighs that much, lol
ReplyDeleteYou were still beautiful even in the 300's but look how far you've come! I hear ya though on the whole "your body has stopped cuz it wants you to be there" thing. I have hovered at 181-184 for almost 2 months!!!! I know I can be thinner than this! I refuse to believe otherwise!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone that you are beautiful in the pic. You've done really well and if you want to get to 170 say go for it. As Amy W would say keep fighting the good fight.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing amazing! and you look amazing (than and now).
ReplyDelete