Well....I just felt a little urge to write today. This is not an urge that I get very often because a) I suck at writing, and b) I feel like I dont have anything interesting to talk about. Usually I just talk about fills, and weight loss updates and post a "show-off" pic or two but this time I really dont have much to talk about. I don't have any major milestones or progress to report. I try not to put too much personal stuff out there because I am somewhat of a private person and I just dont like everyone knowing my "business." But today I guess I'm just in one of those moods...I'm thinking about making this into my new vent outlet because I really don't have many friends that I can talk to and I feel like I'm so overwhelmed with life I'm about to explode.
I am pms-ing and I am majorly stressed out so I'm ashamed to say I've climbed back up the weight gain ladder. I REFUSE to change my ticker because in my mind it makes me complacent with that weight...and i dont feel the need to work as hard to lose it again because then I dont feel like such a liar. And although you can't see it on me I see it on the scale and that really bums me out. I know you shouldn't weigh yourself everyday but for me that's how I control myself. I want so badly to be able to eat "normal" again that if I don't watch the scale carefully i get waaayyyy outta control. Right now I have a little problem with eating cold stone creamery ice cream...there is one near my office and I have beem making a pit stop there during lunch at least twice a week lately....and I dont just get a "like it" size cup (small for those not familiar)....the little cold stone guys always have some kind of deal for me...."you can get a waffle bowl for only .20 cents more!" Who am I to turn down a .20 cent waffle bowl?! So I try to sneak it back into my office...wolf down the whole thing then I go into the bathroom and cry because i feel so terrible that i have indulged....not just for that one day but that's like the 2nd time (maybe 3rd time) that week that I have "indulged."
I also have to admit that I have not been working out either. When I get down in the dumps I find it hard to do anything. I have no energy to work out at all. People always say working out is good medicine...it makes you forget about your problems and gets your adreneline pumping...blah, blah, blah....not for me! I could give a rats @#$ about working out when i'm depressed. I'm starting to wonder if I need medication because lately it has been really bad. I wont go into deep details about why I'm depressed today because then this blog would be really long and more boring but I will say that I'm depressed about my weight, money, money and yeah money. Times are REALLY tight for me right now. But then again i'm sure times are tight for everyone but i'm talking about me right now...lol. I'm also having family issues...so yeah I think I might need some medication for this....Oh and my job is starting to suck too....man, now that i'm reading it like this i do have some issues!
Well, on a lighter note, at least it is friday. I'm going to a baby shower tomorrow for one of my long time friends who is having her first baby. I'm kind of excited about that because I'm so happy for her. She has tons of friends and lots of support so she will do great with her baby girl.
Ok so i'm at work right now and just thought about the 10 million things that I have to do today along with cleaning up my desk and setting up my new computer so i'd better make this short and sweet. I hope those of you who are reading this can follow me because i'm just really rambling on today and not really completing all my thoughts....its just one of those days...
Thank you to my followers that I do have. You all make me feel important that you even took the time to click the follow button...I must not be THAT boring after all....(smile!)
Be safe and have a wonderful weekend....I will do my best considering....
Until I get the "urge" again....
TTYL!
Don't be ashamed to talk to a doctor about this if you are feeling down. I have taken anti anxiety meds for years now and know I couldn't be myself without them.
ReplyDeleteYou are strong, but we can't always deal with EVERYTHING life gives us! Good luck! And P.S. I have a serious ice cream adiction. I have been clean for almost a week. :)
Thanks Supermegaanna...I have taken them before and a part of me does feel ashamed when I have to go an ask for them again...but at this point it is getting unbearable so I'm going to have to do something soon!
ReplyDeleteI'm having ice cream for lunch today...that's the only thing that makes me happy.
FIRST OF ALL, you are a good writer and everytime I see you have updated I get excited...rub my eyes to make sure its real, and then read!
ReplyDeleteI hear you on money being tight. In college I tried zoloft for depression, and I gave it about 4 months to work...but nothing. But i tried. There is no harm or shame in trying to feel better. Sometimes we need help ya know?
Don't be afraid to update your ticker. I update mine on my official weigh in days even if I go up. It actually motivates me MORE bc I want to see it go back down!
Im thinking about you!
I don't know how you can say you have nothing to post about! You have loads to post about...You're feeling cr*ppy and you need some support. Good on you for putting it out there.
ReplyDeleteYou're certainly not the only one who reaches for the comfort food when you're feeling low and i think your post was your way of starting the process of getting back in charge.
You've done so well to lose so much weight and you look awesome...supermodel stuff! I hope you're feeling better soon. xx
Wow how did I miss your comments Amy and Sparkler...thank you guys so much for the support. I was feeling crappy...still a little crappy but i'm coming around. if I keep feeling like this i will have to make a trip for my doc for some "happy pills" lol...
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to make an effort to post at least once a week even if i have nothing really to say...i just enjoy reading all of the other blogs i feel like mine is nowhere close to as good as yours...so my trick is not to read the others before i post my own! :-)